There are perks or the promise of perks… I signed up for this I have to keep reminding myself. All for the opportunity to live out here and be out here. I am… I’m doing it. But in also need to remind myself there’s nothing keeping me here.
I’m not giving up if I go home.
It’s awesome that they may send me to the Caribbean but this day to day thing is what I can’t handle.
The other office gets 28 days of vacation and I’m locked to this box with a boy I can’t stand. This isn’t me. This isn’t what I’m passionate about even if the cause is good and most of the people are good. It’s the ones directly around me I can’t stand. They aren’t here – they don’t see.
I shouldn’t be miserable half the time in order to be happy half. Life’s too short and I shouldn’t be distrusted because of other people’s past mistakes.
I flip flop so often. Sometimes I’m ok with this and maybe this trip to Portland will relieve some of this. Maybe not – maybe I look for new jobs…
Maybe I get none of the perceived benefits. Maybe it’s not about me – and I know it’s not the worst ever. It can always be worse. But why not atleast be satisfied?
The worst part – I’m not sure there is a remedy. It’s like she is making me put my time in because she had to- but she doesn’t know that I already have. I wouldn’t have put up with the same shit she has. max doesn’t know either way and the bland fuck is just happy to be employed.
I’m looking at the big picture. Does this make me happy? No. Do I believe in what I’m doing? Maybe. Do I like who I work with? No. Do I feel inspired? No. Do I travel? Negotiable. Do I have freedom? No. Am I trusted? No. Do I get to do most things how I want? Yes. Perk sometimes twice a year I go to the zoo.
I need to resign myself to the fact that I applied for an entry level position and I am to be treated like an entry level employee. Although because of my experience, degree and connections I feel entitled to much more. This is true. I’m sure she resents me for feeling entitled and know that I could fuck shit up- but it’s days like today where I’m almost willing to.
Get me out of here – if there’s not a carribean trip planned by December- I will be actively looking for new employment.
Life’s way to short for ten days vacation. Fuck. Unless you would voluntarily do work as your vacation.