Some things need to be remembered forever…and some not so much

Month: September, 2014

If I see another person in a relationship

Kelly from highschool?!
Justin from downstairs has been married for two years?
Jordan sasser is having a kid?!
The list is endlessssss

Fuuuuccckkkk this isn’t funny anymore.

Is it too much to ask to run into someone and find out that they are going to love me forever? And that we will be endlessly supportive of one another?

Ahhhhh eh eh

House of cards

I’m living in a house of cards although still maintaining solidarity I don’t feel lonely. I’m on the verge of making friends and I’m busy as hell. In four days

I yoga (thanks to Sam)
I swim at lunch (and now shower naked at the gym)
I babysit (and give everyone flowers and eat all their food)
I housesit (and get parking tickets)
I tinder date (or very foreign house that I want to not so creepily be a part of)
I lunch date (Camille – did I make a friend??)
I go out with my roommates (only mildly awkward bluegrass night – lost joe and maybe made a friend named Allie??)
I sign up for banjo lessons (starts next week)
I go on runs (1X)
I work full time

I’ve only had one full on mental breakdown. Instigated by yet another insane parking ticket. Fueled by having to face max at work. Encouraged by napkins full of bugs and hiking up 20 flights of stairs.

I’m trying so hard to get involved and to be patient. I’m really really trying. I’m trying to give out so much love in the hopes that it will be returned. In the end it’s selfish really. I’m so focused on this place and succeeding here. It’s hard to be everything at once. I’m trying harder than I ever have to be responsible. I’m trying to remind myself I have something to offer this place too… That’s what’s hard, I’m not as cool here and there’s too many people to really fit in .

I bought the family sunflowers and the dad almost pulled out his old college bong to put them in. I love them. Today was the first day I’ve ever wanted a baby.

Trinity alps

Last year Labor Day really wasn’t all that different… There were still mountains, tents and couples, sunshine and water…

This time I had my own tent and I didn’t love anyone. I don’t smoke enough weed to really fit in and I haven’t listened to enough fish to really bond. It was good, it was relaxed and it was sunny. The perfect first backpacking experience. I just can’t wrap my mind around why this boy loves her and is so sweet to her… She sounds like Fran dresher for goodnes sake! We drove so far… and she was a fucking mess the whole time. Entertaining yes, someone you want to actually take care of? No.

I am continually reminded of the importance of friends and people and how hard it is to come by those people who understand you. You believe and care about the same things… I haven’t found those people here yet although I’m trying to be patient and I’m trying to be grateful for the incredible opportunities I’m being given.

Their code for the card game kings was saying “I love you”. I mean really?!

I was feeling super contemplative sitting all day napping by the lake but I didn’t have a pen or notebook… Only the mix of super contentedness and discontent in my mind.

Lovely spot, funny and weird weekend