sweetnc

Some things need to be remembered forever…and some not so much

Month: June, 2013

Place

I never knew a love of place until I went to other places. I never knew a sense of place without loving other faces. Being lost and staying lost is well and good for now. But only if I convince myself it will all workout somehow.

What if I’m the luckiest and that’s all it ever was. I can’t seem to justify the begin of the because.

Finding purpose in a place while wandering all the while. This is it. That was that. Learning eyes behind the smile.

Sometimes I hug my friends when I miss them. I stop, close my eyes and think about how nice it would be to hold them and tell them I love them. I hope it this moment that they know…they know they are missed and loved. Really loved.

Pre-emptive freak out planning

Holy shit dots connect. Shits unreal. I have so many feelings.

In my journal from my travels last summer I wrote about a life plan. A life plan with the full understanding that things will work out regardless and usually very unlike the original plan. Its a little frightening how well things have worked out even though i stress out continually until the very moment they do. This being said… Here goes another dream of dreams only to illustrate what I want in this very moment.

Found out about a crazy opportunity in gansbaai…holy holy balls.

Lauren moves to s.a. In sep or August… Avi goes to isreal (we will fight about this) but he joins me to travel for two months in march/April. At this point the army thing really gets in the way. I would move to isreal for a short period of time but not if he’s in the military….Regardless, I want to live and raise my babies in my mountains even if they spend portions of the summer in a foreign environment. Actually I think summers in a foreign place with babies is ideal.

Don’t freak out if you read this Dana. Right now I fully understand this is all in my head.

But lets just say I spend a year or so in South Africa…when I return I’ll be 25. A good age for a proper job.

For now that’s all the planning I can manage.

Eeeeeek! Scary!!!!

Living in the grey zone

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/life-insights-you-need-to-know-in-your-20s-and-beyond/

First impressions

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On a scale of 1-Lauren

So, the boy came to stay with the family. My mom was so unbelievably cool about it all. Highlights…

Remember that time we drove 20 miles past the hiking spot- found the cutest family alive- even their women were cute- went to sliding rock- didn’t refuse ice cream-told my father he is joining the isreali military :/ – drank with best friends- puked bad mussels- dirty grey goose martinis with gay men under a full moon- escaped a man named fatty- directions in Spanish- shrimp and grits- more ice cream in the sunny rain- determined the honey bee is the state bug- and he made mention of me moving to isreal? -but the three magic words still won’t come…

I was told by one of my best friends boyfriends that he rates all friends on a scale of “one to Lauren!” That was one of the greatest things I have ever heard….

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Do we approve?

I have traveled as a single woman on 5 continents. I have a masters degree. I bring friends home to stay with me all the time. But when my first proper boyfriend comes to stay my dad can only say….

“Uh…. Do we approve of that???”

Haha!!!

And I’m going to idahoooooooo!!!!

Feelin loved

I love my home. I love the touristy parts of my home but more than that I love going back to the places I grew up…seeing them with fresh eyes what I never realized before. What I never took time to appreciate. This makes me feel more adult than anything else.

I made a gay mad fall in love with me last night. I know this because of the immediate friend request and status update. Lets be real, only gay men can get away with that shit and not look like crazies.

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Homeless smomeless

Well. So far homelessness is much different than I anticipated. My list of things to accomplish hasn’t dwindled in the least and I have only made it to Asheville after almost two weeks of homelessness.

However, I can’t seem to ever get out of the house before 11am… Even of I get up early.

I’m excited to plan. I’m not excited about working. I think I’ve been convinced that full time work isn’t my only option- can’t wait to explain that one.

Social pressure is stupid. Do what makes you ducking happy future Lauren. I really hope this is what you ended up doing.

I hope you turn out as bad ass as I want you to be. I hope you love. Love it all without holding back. I hope you are smart but not too smart. I hope you took calculated risks that were romantic and daring and adventurous. I hope that if you are in an office you get to go outside everyday. I hope people around you laugh. I hope you find good people. I hope you are the happiest and most content you have ever been. I hope you look back at these memories and laugh at what it felt like to be homeless and wandering. I hope you appreciate the craving for permanence verses a longing to wander and how they fight so desperately.

Lighting, piss and Cracker Barrel

I almost peed in my car today. Scary scary weather kept me from being able to pull over. Trees down on the interstate. Signage wrecked. I finally found an exit with pee-able places. I thought I wouldn’t make it. Everyone was standing outside the Cracker Barrel.

“The power is out”

I must have looked panicked because as soon as I said I had to pee this wonderful woman rushed in with a latern to light my way.

Thank you wonderful woman… I hope you earned an extra apron star today!