It’s scary because everything fell into place so nicely.
After three months I finally had the balls to tell him I really like him. We were walking back to the house and we had the dtr. DTR is a well known acronym used in Christian culture to “define the relationship”. He said, “I don’t know what this is but I don’t want it to stop. It’s really hard because I don’t know where you’ll be in three months.”
He will never be the boy that Sits down and asks me to be his girlfriend. But that’s not what I want right now. If it walks and talks like a relationship it is one. He’s my person and i trust him. He met my best friend and bought us a fancy dinner. I’m going to meet his sister when she comes into town in a few weeks. He brings flowers every weekend, dances in the kitchen, fixes the sink without being asked and blows me kisses. i have never ever felt so cared for. I know how he wants to raise his large family and what he wants out of life. I’m still really scared about the future but atleast that means whatever this is… its genuine.
Part of our talk revolved the process of decision making. I have a pretty strong sense of intuition. All of my major decisions I kinda knew would happen when I was presented the opportunity. I still agonize and evaluate everything but whenever I look back it’s pretty easy to tell that I already knew what was going to happen. UNCW I walked on that campus and it felt right. I pulled out that packet from South Africa and it felt right. Looked up the grad school website and it felt right. Our first date felt really right. He totally lives in the moment and makes split second decisions and hopes they turn out for the best. He took this job in NC simply because it was the best package he was offered and didn’t think anymore about it. Everything has come pretty simply to both of us and it seems like we are where we need to be. Oftentimes I feel like I need to step back and just be. Just be. Why can’t I just be right now and not worry about what job I’m gonna get.
I told him that i feel bad that i don’t know where I’m going to be. He responded with…but you are worried for many reasons. I’m only worried for one.
I love my life at this moment, right now. I’m so happy and so loved. Things work out, it might be rough for a while but it will be awhile before that happens. Right now I’m content to stress about school because this is the last month that I will ever have to stress about doing homework. Ever.
On that note I’m done procrastinating but I’m scared because I think I love this boy. Ahhhhhhhh craaapppp